The space in between – transitions. By Nadhira Razack
My body was giving me signs that it was time..
I noticed myself getting angry when my 2 ½ year old would feed and that irritation in my system was letting me know it’s time to reclaim my body.. reclaim my space again.
I’ve been learning so much about the natural cycles and rhythms in nature when you know it’s just Time..
Here’s how I’ve seen the transition:
- The awareness that something’s got to change.
- Letting Go of what’s not working
- Marking the transition with a ritual, ceremony or celebration
- Enjoying the new space you’re in while everyone finds their right place again
The above steps played out for me in the following way:
I got the awareness that Aqeel needed to stop feeding in October 2014 before his second birthday and I thought it would be really easy for me to wean him because I was in the UK for a retreat and I felt that separation would be good for both myself and Aqeel and that when I came back.. everything would be hunky dory and we would have started the weaning process.
What do you think he wanted as soon as I got home from the airport? A boob of course 😉
I thought I could get off easy – no tears, no drama : ) Yet, The Universe knew I had some learning and growing to do to come out the other end more Conscious and more self aware and in my seat as the mother I choose to be.
I haven’t known what it’s like to have my body completely to myself. I noticed myself getting angry when he would feed and that irritation in my system was letting me know it’s time to reclaim my body.. reclaim my space again.
Yet I didn’t know how to navigate it without some support.. I felt like such a wimp everytime I would cave into his demands for a boob at night : )
My need to be liked and loved coming up! aaah! So it’s taken me from October until April to actually make that break.
The awareness might be present.. the work to do the action of letting go though is usually more uncomfortable because there might be hidden dynamics ruling the show that you might be unconscious of.. because they are hidden from your view. Thank goodness I had the sense to allow someone I trusted to hold me through it so I could see how I could shift my beingness so that when Aqeel did kick up a fuss and he kicked and wailed at night, I had the presence and the strength to just Be with it all.
Letting go isn’t easy. There’s always that sadness that washes over you. I’ve had a few sleepless nights this past week, rocking Aqeel and letting him know he can’t have Mummy’s boo boo’s anymore and just holding him through that.. and of course shedding a few tears of sadness myself because breastfeeding him has been such a huge source of connection to my boy.
My realisations this month in my own life has been around ~ Transitions and Marking them through ritual.
So with Aqeel.. he Loves when mummy bakes a cake so I told him we were going to celebrate him stepping into being the big boy with a cake so I looked up a Sri Lankan butter cake recipe and we let him have candles and he got to cut his cake and celebrate.
It’s been a week now and I’ve started to be okay with it and feel that sense of freedom in my own space and Aqeel is getting accustomed to having a new way of going to sleep and not having to wake up in the middle of the night.
I share this so that if you’re going through a transition in your own life.. you can start to see the different phases you’re going through so you can just Be through it all and not fight it.
My biggest celebration is my own transition from child mother to big mother and owning it.
Reply and let me know what you’re sifting through right now. Would love to hear from you x